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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers