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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.