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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.