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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.