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Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
For Christmas I just want summer...
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist