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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.