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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point