Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.