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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.