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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.