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Have you hugged you bartender today.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.