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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when Iām done.