Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.