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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.