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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.