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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.