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Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.