Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
My anger management class pisses me off
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!