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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Your personality needs alcohol.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.