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I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!