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Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?