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I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.