Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.