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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.