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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.