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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.