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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.