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One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?