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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.