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I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
is available for rebound sex.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
drink beer ?? save water
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"