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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.