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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what