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I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
This recliner and I go way back.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.