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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Never trust a skinny chef
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?