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I just called. To say. I texted you.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.