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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
Running behind is my cardio.