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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.