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Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.