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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.