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Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Iām too young to be too old for everything.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.