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Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".