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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.