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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.