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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.