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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....