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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol