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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
What’s the answer to this question?
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
I fake my lol`s