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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...