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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.