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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?