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Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Ride me like you stole me.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I never finish anyth...............
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.