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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....