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Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy