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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
My house has really let itself go.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.