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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."