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First fart at my new job.
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, Iām going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom