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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?