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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.