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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...