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That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Keep calm and drink on.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.