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Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
So much to do and so few alibis.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.